Choose Your Choice

by Sabila Siddiqui

Making decisions is a journey – starting with a thought being born, passion being lit a thought, things gravitated to. And thus the law of attraction begins its work, propelling us forward with that passion burning in our gut. 

But often before it is mouthed or even put into action we suppress and kill it off before gets a chance to inhale reality. We suffocate it by the thoughts of “lack of ourselves” or the scrolls of comparison that our work wouldn’t be good enough to be put out there or even be amateurs to be out there. We drown our work and ourselves in an endless fix of self-doubt, self-upbraiding, and self-inquest.

I’ve been ruminating for days as to what caption to curate – because we all know that time goes TikTok while those brain cells are imagining beyond expansion trying to fathom creativity and emotions into articulation. Questions such as what is the vision I want to create? How much do I want to filter and share? How will they be received, and in turn how I will be received have been clouding my head. Although I’ve got to admit I am much of an over-thinker to the point my thoughts are mutated.

Although through experience I’ve realized the importance to think about the decision enough to make a sound decision but at the same time do not exceed the time such that we miss the opportunity itself. *sprinkles wisdom that I do not apply to myself check*

Often it is easy to dismiss the effort invested into even the trivial of actions, or initiatives – because those are the unseen BTS moments – the days, brain cells, drafts, thrown out and redrafts and the amount of yourself that is really put into your work such that it becomes tough to really separate a comment on your work being a reflection of yourself and hence taken personally.

Most of my decisions have been muddled in confusion with my vision of what I want is a puzzle and a haze – thoughts pacing back and forth, playing tugs and wars giving a feel of regressing rather than progressing. I find myself mentally draining with a chunk of things clouding my head as my inner voice keeps knocking.

Though all these phases are very raw and real, It is only through experiencing did I realize the importance of disconnecting, introspecting and reflecting to really connect with it once more – deeply and clearly. And lastly and the most paramount of all – having faith in God that the decision taken has barakah (blessing) in it, after all, there is Salat al-Istikharah (which is a prayer recited when in need of guidance on an issue in life) to turn through. 

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